This post is the post that i want to write the most after all these times.
(Baca terjemahannya dalam Bahasa Indonesia disini.)
(This blog contains pictures that maybe you will find disturbing.)
Life is a journey, we all know that and walking it until now. When i say the view is great, it is great – but sometimes we just can’t see it, that happens to me around the end of 2014. As i said before that i was diagnosed with a lot of diagnoses and until today i can’t hardly decide which diagnose i actually had. I was diagnose with Scabies, Pityriasis Lichenoides, and Dermatitis Eczema.
End of 2014
Here is what i looked like couple months after i got a really weak body for couple of weeks (fever, lost apetite, influenza, cough)
It was from small blisters to these- spread almost all my body – except hand, face and neck. It’s all itchy and some of them (on feet) are oozing.
I went to some dermatologist, they gave me antibiotics and creams, nothing really works- after i’m done with all meds, the symptoms keep coming worse.
I broke down. I felt not perfect and disable. Hid from the outside world because i felt so not confident about myself. Scratching also became my habit everywhere i go. No more normal life, no more going out with ease, no more sleeping without an itch and bath without an oozing wound.
I prayed to God asking for help! Hoping that everything will be gone soon.
A worse body. Worse wounds.
After visiting some derms at Indonesia didn’t work i decided to visit derms at Penang, Malaysia (you can read my medical journey in Malaysia here). Went there with all my hope to God.
Every single step i walked with hope on my heart that God will bless this way and heal me. So, the doctor gave me oral steroids and cream. When i was on it, it all were flawless, no itch, no oozing.
But when i ran out my steroids, my darkest nightmare came. You can see it through my picture.
I wasn’t broke down this time, i was crying my heart out, kneeling down, and reaching to a hand that could help me because i felt so helpless, hopeless and death was once seems like my best option.
Physically at this condition, my wounds had spread almost all over my body from face to my toe, i had them on my hand, face, neck and even my breast now. I remember i had to put tissues inside my bra everyday because of the oozing.
I was ruined. My body was losing everything that it had.
At this point, the itching were so severe, because it was all oozing everywhere- no more sleeps at night, maybe just couple of hours to close my eyes then woke up by the itch. I had to bring tissues everywhere because the oozing just wouldn’t stop.
No more open clothes or dresses, no more bath. I couldn’t sits, sleep, walk or do anything at ease- because of the scars were everywhere, i couldn’t turn my body over to the left or right, i slept on the wooden bed then, because sleeping on the mattress gave me more itch.
I blamed God once. Because of the answers i got from my prayer were all worsen body. I was in anger.
But i know i was wrong that way.
So in the middle of those mess, God lead me to find some blogs about Eczema healing success and there they followed an elimination diet with some supplement.
So i decided to follow their steps, i was too on an elimination diet (Pls do email me if you want the Elimination Diet List, i will happily send it to you). At this time, i learned to surrender everything i has onto His feet, i know that His love for me is unfailing.
After a month on the elimination diet, healing keeps taking places, the wounds kept drying but still itchy.
When i was blaming Him, He never once left me hanging, He again took my hand and said that He loves me, He has seen my sadness, my tears and told me to be strong.
So one day, God has spoken that He will heal me. I took it with all my faith that’s left, and trust Him. At that day i slept with all my faith on Him, trusting that He is God the creator of the world and this body, He is the only One who is able and that His kind heart never changes. He will help me.
The next morning, amazingly my wounds are all so much dry from before. I even remembered to have open the dead flakes of the wounds and amazed by how fast it dries, as just last night all the wounds were still so oozing and impossible to get this dry in just over the night. Thanks God.
But it still 50% of healing, my miracle is not yet done! I believe He always complete what He has started.
The itching was still unbearable, sometimes i would have to scratch until it bleeds. And it hurts me, how could i break my own skin while i was so eager to have it healed! So, one night i shouted to the Lord asking for His help for the itch because it was so unbearable, i cried asking His mercy to take on the itchy.
And He did.
The next morning, the itchy has decrease so much so that i could bear not to scratch it. Thanks God.
About half of a year God process me through this sickness, and how i am giving thanks for it !!! There are a lot of miracles after miracles that He has given me and that is so many, even this page can’t hold it all.
“But He said to me : “For my grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12 : 9)
All these times, i have lived in such an arrogant life, that i thought life is life. I forgot who is the one who have this life.
We have no rights for our life nor our 5 minutes ahead. We’ll never know what will happen in front of us. Never live your life as like you are the one holding it.
Sometimes God let things that we don’t understand to happen. We may not like it, but sometimes those things will happen. And when it happens, where would you turn?
All these times, God has drawn me nearer to His presence, to know Him better, to realize that He is God, i am not, He is God, and i am human. For the power is in His hand and not mine, For He is so good, and His unfailing love, He is not just healed me completely but saves me.
and that for me is the biggest miracle of all! That i am once again saved under His arms. That i can feel His presence, and His heart, be drown nearer to Him.
So, on June 2015, after a month of elimination diet, i got better in all part of my body except my feet, you can see that my feet were back to worse. At that time, there were friends of mine who suggested to see a “Sinshe” on Bandengan, Jakarta. I took it on my prayer for a week before deciding, because i knew that God is able to heal me without men, but also i surrender to His way of healing.
After a week, i got a stronger will through His words to go there, so i decided to go to Sinshe Franky .
And miracles happens (AGAIN)! Went there and had him check through my palm, and said nothing big just some not serious issue (he hasn’t seen my skin), then i show him my skin and he was shocked a little and even took pictures of it (the June pictures).
He then showed me some other patients who has severe psoriasis that are healed. And so he gave me some chinese medicine that i have to boil and drink 3 times a day for a week, and some herbal cream. Everything is herbal here. The concept is to detox your inner organs just like the elimination diet, but with this herbal, your detox process will be a lot faster.
I prayed for the medicines and cream, and take it for only 3 days to see miracle happens!!! About 3 days after having the medicines, my wounds are all goes under the skin!!! Just like the pictures.
And so after a week i got back to Sinshe to have a check up again, and amazingly he was shocked!!! and ask “How come, this fast???” “We haven’t really cure it, the medicines i gave you just opening the cells inside your body.”
I smiled and know that My God is working! Thanks God.
Today i am completely healed! Not yet have my whole skin regenerated, still have a little brownish left scars, buttttt Gooodd i am so thankful for every little things that i can do now :
- I am now having my bath twice a day
- I am now working out and sweating
- I am now having my quality sleep on a mattress and even turn over to left and right wherever i want and everytime i go to sleep at night i am thankful to feel the comfort of my blanket and bed, how it feels so amazing
- I am now able to wear any fabric and dresses i want
- I am now ITCH FREE, my nails has even grown longer because of it ^^
- My skin are way softer than before now. The brownish scars has gone amazingly – no longer there on my face, neck and hands.. just left a very few on my feet and stomach, but for me it just proves that God heals 🙂
For only by His grace, i can do all things and each time i do every little things just reminds me of How Great is My God, and in 1 day i never can enough say Thank You to Jesus. For He is Good, not just when i am healed but when everything was a mess, He is good for He never leave me alone and always bless me with His sufficient grace and unfailing love.
Come back to Him in praise whatever you are going through. Never come to Him in anger and disappointment, Give thanks for every bad things you are dealing, trust me when you are giving thanks, His hand actually has come to you for He loves his children so much, never He will let them suffer.
We are never worth this life, because Jesus never worth coming down so that we could have life, But for He is Good, He saves us and gives us this life. Ask for His mercy and grace, for the trials don’t come from Him – But He will fight for us and you just need to be still.
No struggles that are too heavy or too light for every person. Each person has their own struggles and never judge them for maybe for you their struggles are nothing but maybe your struggle for them also nothing. Each person is given their own personal struggles. Never too heavy but also never to light for us men to see.
Be blessed 🙂
Read my 10 Healing Starters for Severe Eczema in IND version here.