Looking back at my life and what i have been through makes me realize  :

Happiness is to know to say enough.

Do you ever think about what happy really means for you? I thought having much money will make someone got his happiness. I thought having a healthy body will make us happy. But is it really?

I was perfectly healthy once, then i was in great sickness once, and now i am back to be healthy again (praise the Lord) – what i mean by being healthy now is me with some brownish scars left almost on all over my body and have to bear myself to not to wear any skirt or open dresses for now. But don’t get me wrong, i am all thankful for all of this grace. But let see, so i have been PERFECT – SICK – NOT YET PERFECT.

Which condition do you think i am the happiest?

When i was perfect, i was living with nothing to worry about – i breath, walked, bathed and slept without any feelings attached, because i did those things everyday without any hardship. But because of i did everything freely, i didn’t realize that it is precious! Every little things that we do everyday is precious! I never felt enough because why should i feel enough when i never actually appreciated those things that i could do freely.

But have you ever thought that there are so many people that have wished to do every little thing that you do  but couldn’t?

When i was sick, i was living in a nightmare – well at least that wass what i thought at the moment. I couldn’t live my day without rest at first, body & soul & mind. No more bathing and while sleeping, walking and sitting i did them with a lot of hardship. But as time flies, God has led me to the point where i could give thanks for those hardships when i was dealing it. I learned to feel enough.

When the open wounds were worse, i learned to feel enough (okay, it’s enough for me to say thank you, to feel happy, because it could be just worse than this, but it’s not right now. It is enough) – When it got better for 50%, i learned to feel enough (It’s not 100%, but it’s enough for now, i can see the wounds better and getting dryer than before, i could then feel better even though it’s still so hard but it is enough as it is better than yesterday.)  As i think about it right now, i am happy for those moments because i am now having my happiest moments for i have been through it.

I couldn’t imagine if God didn’t lead me to learned to feel enough. When i was in the worst moment i maybe would not survive and would have chose to have suicide because it was so hard to bear and looked so impossible to be healed. When it was 50% healed, maybe i would have got frustrated because how it can be this slow of healing, how can i see the 100%?! Will i be 100%? —

Now when i am healthy, not yet perfect – like before i was getting sick, i can say that i am happiest now. Not only because i am healed from my sickness but as you can see i am not as perfect as i was before. My body is still losing so much weight because of the Elimination Diet (there are some people who’s telling me that how i am getting so ugly nowadays, telling me that how i look like a sick person, telling me how bad i look – well it’s not good to be so much perfect after all, so i just smile to those comments as what i have right now are soo muucchh great for me 🙂 ), i am indeed thin already before the diet and there are so many brownish left scars on my body. So, you see i was so much better in physically before.

But yet i feel happiest now.

Because today i know how to say enough. The grace is enough for me! It’s overflowing! I now know how precious are those little thing i did without realizing it everyday. I don’t want to sit here and screaming in anger for the things i haven’t reached like a perfect body like before i was getting sick, but rather than angry i want to choose to feel enough, still waiting for the perfect of course but patiently reaching it with giving thanks.

And those people who’s telling me bad things i know that they haven’t been through what i have so they don’t know how many great things i can’t believe i got today! And those little comments won’t take back my happiness only because some little bad words, after all i have all i have  been dreaming of and it feels amazzziiiingg! :)) It is enough for me, this happiness makes me blind to those things that could probably steals it. I have this happiness after battling so hard that it would be fools of me to lose it easily. ^^

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Not someone who got everything that is the happiest, because someone who has everything but never feels enough will never live in rest. He will never be happy because there will be always something’s missing.

But someone who always feels enough and giving thanks for everything he has is indeed the happiest among all. Because he will feel that he got everything he needs in hands and he knew that everyday will be better.

Let’s learn to feel enough and you will see that you are actually in your happiest moments now 🙂

 

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Click here for more post about “Happiness” from me :
What Happiness Means For You