When i was 12, Love will be a prince riding a horse with a flower on his hands kneeling before me. Today i realize the most important thing about Love. Love isn’t just about the flower or the Saturday dates. True love isn’t just about a feeling, Love is a decision and commitment.

“True Love doesn’t stop when everything changes. But everything changes when you stop loving.”  – marlisa tenggara –

So i have one man that i Love whom i’m getting married very soon 🙂

Just like any man, there are many flaws of him. I think he is too controlling .. well sometimes, he never brings any flower for me, he has some difficulties to say sorry when we are arguing sometimes, well he has his ego – but i learned that every man seems to have this “man” ego, he loves “general” color, potato is his favorite meal, he loves when i tell jokes to him and tease him, he doesn’t like when i forget things and of course when i’m mad. We are a two different person.

Going through a Severe Eczema with a wedding’s coming was a really hard times. It happened precisely right after we decide to get married a year later. (Read my battle with Eczema here.)

I remember how i was so broken down – losing all the confidence i had because how disgusting my body even my face looked like. These thoughts were killing me, how could i stand before him? how could i present this body to the man i love? I felt “useless” as a woman. Yet he stays.

 

Marriage is once in a lifetime moment, and for this reason i had to pushed myself to ask him “Do you really want this? What will you do if i’ll be like this my whole life? I’d understand if you want to end it here.” Asking this question was the hardest thing that i had to do. How i had to be ready for the worst answer and let go of my man and the fact that maybe i won’t be getting married. But i had to. How could i bear to see this man ruin his whole life with a disgusting me which he won’t be able to touch and hug for well i don’t know how long? And because i know he deserves better. Yet he stays.

That everyday i did was just crying and crying – in front of him. No more laughs. No more smiles. No more jokes. No more cool dresses. No more good body, I’m left with a really thin body because of the Elimination Diet. No more positive energies. I became a total different woman that he knew and fell with. Yet he stays.

And he is the man who don’t just stay and hang there. He is the man who gave me thumbs up every time i went to the hospital, getting injected or check up. He is the man who prays for me everyday. He is the man who keeps supporting me even when all i did was crying and hopeless. He is the man who never loses faith that i’ll get healed soon. He is the man who cried for me when i asked him to just leave me here. He is the man who tells jokes and makes an effort to gain my smile when i almost lost my mind. He is the man who tells me beautiful even when my body was too disgusting to look. And while there were people who looked at me with disgust, Never once i catch that look from his eyes. Not even once :’)

and He is the man who wiped my oozing with tissues when i cried so hard after bath and can’t bear to wipe it alone.

Counting days to my wedding day reminds me of how blessed i am that i could have this Love. It only reminds me if there is one man could love and stays with me even when i can not even bear myself, then My God might be more than this man. For Jesus never once leaves my side just like God has made this man too never leaves me just because God loves me and know how this will mean a lot to me. I know there will be no man could bear even stay with how i looked like, if it isn’t because of God’s hands. This is what i called grace that no man can give.

Love stays. Love sacrifices. Love is a promise. Love is a commitment.

Beauty fades. Smiles gone. Flower dies. Feelings gone but True Love stays through everything.

Don’t make Love as a feeling, because feelings will only go with the flow,  feelings are looking at conditions, feelings are subjective, feelings never match perfectly. But expect for a Love that stays and you won’t fear that it would leave you for a reason.

Because Love should never finds a reason to leave.

_______

• Ps : I am counting days to my wedding day with smiles on my cheek and peace of grace on my heart 🙂 “I am not lucky, I am blessed” ! Jesus loves you 🙂
• Special Thanks to : God, Our Families, My Perfect Bridesmaid, D.A.T.E, GBI HITS, Friends – Colleagues & Vendors. This can not possibly happen without your helps 🙂