I’ve been a mother for 4 years now, and i’ve been praying, wanting, wishing even forcing my self to be a more patient mother to my kids. I am tired of yelling at them, putting them to time out, telling them not to do things that are not appropriate and lecturing them the “right” thing. And what did i get in return? I often ended up blowing up my mind and my vocal cord towards them. I ended up making my kids afraid of me almost every single day. This got me to a point where i would be frustrated thinking of what my life has turned me into.
I know i wasn’t a patient person to begin with, even when i was single, i know i had a strong will. But, i never actually knew that i would be this person who could brings fear to little children, which are mine. Being a mother takes me to a roller coaster journey where at one point, i was kind of lose myself. I started to see me as a different person that i don’t like. I kept thinking “Who am i? Am i really this person?”
Of course there are sweet days as a mother, and i will still say that i am beyond grateful to have them as my kids. But if you’re a mother, it is a fact that we too had some nasty days where we all bounded up with guilt and shame of being a mother, and if we want to be honest, there are days that we just wish the kids are gone or if we could have a different life.
Hey, let me tell you, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to think of that, we are human with limit. Despite of thinking this, i know, deep down, we mother, still do what we need to do.
After 4 years being a mother, i realize that forcing my self to be patient, wanting my self to be more patient is a mistake. Now, hear me out, don’t leave this page just yet. I want to reveal to you, my best tips to be patient without forcing yourself to be one. You probably would think that i am talking non sense. But i do find my forcing to be patient was making me a lot worse person, further away from what i wished for, patient.
Because when i wish, i want and force my self to be more patient, i only think of me.
- I want to be a better mom
- i want my kids to grow better mentally
- a mother should be more patient – that is like the law of being mother
- i feel shame being mad and i don’t want my image to be ruined in front of my kids, people and my husband.
Most of the reason above are all about me and for my sake. So, when my kids have their tantrum or not listening or when they make a mess (not just a regular mess – but a very annoying attitude), the first thing i know is to hold my breath and my anger. I would say to my self (sometimes with a grunt) “be patient, be patient, hold it, hold it, run away, run away.”
Did it help me? unfortunately no. I always ended up blowing by the end of the day. Because i had too much “holding on” my anger that when a little poke, really fired me up badly. It’s like when i say to my self “hold it, hold it” – i’m actually pouring gas to my self. No wonder, by the end of the day, when i got all tired already, it’s been a long day, a little poke is like a small fire that led to a house full of gas. I blew up and it ain’t pretty.
When i blew up, i would yell, i would intimidate the kids, i can see their fear in their faces. And even after all of that resolved, and we are all being in a good term again, i am left with a huge guilt and shame toward my self. I don’t want to be this person, and my thoughts begin to fly to i am such a bad mom, i failed being a mom, i am the worst mom.
Finally i got my lesson after i pray ernestlly, right after i yelled at my kids. I dropped down and pray asking a way to be a better mom. I am not praying to be patient this time, i just want to be a better mom to my kids. Surprisingly, God took me to a different path that i never learned before.
It’s a change in communication.
After 4 years of parenting, i realize now, that being patient is not my answer to be a better mom for my kids. But changing my communication towards them, trying to understand their world, learn how to communicate with “kids language” to them, turns out to be so much easier for all of us. I am no longer need to hold my breath, and they listen better.
So after i prayed, and God led me to one parenting book that changes my whole point of view, You probably knew this book already, or even had it with you. It’s a book called “How to Talk So Little, Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber and Julie King.
Boyyy, this book is my game changer tools. I absorb this book like a camel absorb their water lol. I practically follow all the tips and tricks and tools that they wrote, and yes it helps me a lot to a point where i can smile when a plate of flour was thrown down at one afternoon. Usually i would go crazy, i would hold my patience in grunt, and thought how miserable my life was over a flour. (well id you’re a mother, you ‘ll feel me, even the slightest mistake could make us think about our whole life lol)
After reading and learning everything in the book, i changed my way of communicate. I learn to not say “no no, Eegan” “Stop, Reia!!!” “Why are you like this?! Whats wrong with you!” “Can you please give me some peace?!” and all of those stuff. Okay,
I’m no longer a momzilla, (well i can’t guarantee i won’t be mad forever), but even now, my eldest would tell me in a middle of the afternoon, for couple of times, out of nowhere that he loves me. Well, you can guess how i must have changed significantly. I used to get mad a lot and in every single day. But now i am relieved, it’s like every issue solved and make me to not even need to hold any anger or try to be more patient. Truly, i don’t have the urge to do that anymore, because changing how i communicate with them, really make them listen better and do the things i ask / wish them to do without me even need to raise my tone.
It is such a HUGE relieve, really. Because holding no anger / not trying so hard to be patient = no chance to explode.
So, mothers, Don’t try to be more patient, it’s useless, instead, try to learn the tricks of how to communicate with the kids better. Trust me!!!!!